ALCOHOLICS for CHRIST

Children of Alcoholics

* 28-34 million Americans are children of Alcoholics

* 50-60% of All alcoholics are also Children of alcoholics

* One out of every six families in the typical American community is affected by alcoholism

* Alcohol is a significant factor in 90% of child abuse cases.

* Alcoholism runs in families: Suicide runs in alcoholic families.

* Biological offspring of the alcoholic are the group at highest risk for alcoholism, even if raised in a non-alcoholic environment.

* Children of Alcoholics are statistically prone to marry those who have alcoholism.

* 50% of known incest victims lived in homes where there was alcoholism.

* 70% of all families in alcoholism treatment had an alcoholic somewhere in a three generation span.

* 4 to 6 children out of 25 in a classroom come from alcoholic homes.

* 52% of children with one alcoholic parent will be alcoholic: up to 90% when both parents are alcoholic.

* Children of Alcoholics adapt to the chaos and inconsistency of an alcoholic home by developing an inability to trust, an extreme need to control, an excessive sense of responsibility, and the denial of feelings. This results in low self-esteem, depression, isolation, difficulty in maintaining satisfying relationships, and guilt.

* Only 5% of the Children of alcoholics are receiving help in understanding and coping with their problems.

What is ACAC? - Alcoholics for Christ Adult Children (ACAC) is a support group for Adults who have grown up in an alcoholic family system or any dysfunctional background.

Who may participate? - Anyone who identifies with the issues and is willing to deal with them. (anyone open to change).

How do the support groups work? - Each week participants of ACAC group come together in an atmosphere of freedom, safety, love, hope, and honesty. The 12 steps of Alcoholics for Christ are applied as well as selected scriptures. And "The PROBLEM" list to help identify issues.

What direction is given? - Group leaders are trained to lead a discussion group; And give direction on a limited level. In cases where the individual is dealing with deeper issues and change is difficult, we recommend individual counseling with a Christian professional, Pastor, and/or church leader, in conjunction with weekly meetings.

What are the Priorities of ACAC? - Our purpose in the discussion group is to become more like Christ and to increase in fellowship with God. We do this by becoming open and transparent with GOD, Ourselves, and others allowing the Lord to "brick by brick" remove the walls of REJECTION, HURT, MISTRUST, UNFORGIVENESS, and ANGER that have separated us not only from God, but from ourselves and others as well.

Truly, God wants us to be whole, and if we will put into practice the principals set forth in these steps, and open ourselves to God's word and the interaction of the tables, God will heal us and restore us beyond our wildest imagination.

Do you need the Adult Children Program?

Alcoholics for Christ Adult Children (ACAC) is a support group for those who were raised in a family unit void of appropriate nurturing and direction needed to obtain emotional and spiritual maturity.

If your answer is "YES" to any of the above questions, you would benefit from attending ACAC meetings. JESUS said: "I have food to eat that you know nothing about." John4:32

The Problem

Characteristics we seem to have in common due to having been brought up in a dysfunctional home

1. We struggle with the distorted perception of God as demanding, critical and a conditional God, rather than joyfully accepting His forgiveness, mercy, and unconditional love.
2. We become isolated and afraid of authority figures.
3. We become approval seekers and have lost our identity in the process.
4. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
5. We either become addictive personalities, marry them, or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our need for abandonment.
6. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and are attracted by that weakness in our love, friendship, and career relationships.
7. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than with ourselves. This enables us not to look too closely at ourselves.
8. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves. Instead, we give in to others.
9. We become addicted to excitement: we may unknowingly cause the "emotional rollercoaster" in our relationships in order to continue the "comfortable" pattern.
10. We have stuffed back our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings. Being "out of touch" with our feelings is one of our basic denials because it hurts too much to face them.
11. We judge ourselves harshly, we feel others judge us, and have low self-esteem, sometimes compensated for by trying to appear superior.
12. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment. We will do anything to hold onto a relationship in order not to experience the pain of abandonment. We are conditioned to these types of relationships.
13. Compulsive behaviors affect the whole family system. We take on the same characteristics and dysfunction and carry it into our adult lives.
14. We are reactors rather than actors.

THIS IS NOT AN INDICTMENT - THERE IS HOPE! JESUS CHRIST BRINGS HEALING AND WILL RESTORE US TO HEALTHINESS AND THE ABUNDANT LIFE THAT HE CAME TO BRING!

Characteristics of a Recovering Adult Child

1. I am learning that I really am not so different from everyone else because I know that what is inside does not always show. I now understand that everyone has weaknesses and that I am not the only one.
2. I am gaining the courage to confront my problems.
3. I am learning to follow through and complete projects. set attainable goals, organize and pace myself.
4. I am learning that I have options that will allow me to make decisions, and to trust in God to help me with them.
5. I am learning to be truthful with myself and authentic with others, open and transparent before God.
6. I am learning to admit that I make mistakes, knowing that mistakes do not mean failure.
7. I am learning not to dwell on negatives or transfer my negatives (defenses) on to others. I am more accepting of others for who they are.
8. I am learning to live and let live.
9. I am learning to have more confidence and believe in myself as God has shown to me in His word, and to accept myself as He has accepted and loved me.
10. I am learning to appreciate the little things in my life and enjoy life as it is, whatever the circumstances. I can have fun by assuming the responsibility for it, and no longer take myself to seriously all the time.
11. I am learning to understand deep within my soul, that Jesus Christ died for me, that He accepts me and loves me with an unconditional, everlasting love that no human being could ever match.
12. I am learning to let go and give things, situations, desires and all of my life over to the care of God.
13. I am learning to be more open and adaptable and not push people away, to be more trusting in intimate relationships, to avoid destructive relationships and to walk away from existing relationships that are unhealthy.
14. I am learning to live life for the Lord and to seek his approval, rather than the approval of others.
15. I am learning when to be loyal, when not to be loyal, and most of all to be loyal to myself.
16. I am learning not to rescue, control or save others.
17. I am learning to understand myself by listening to my feelings and avoiding compulsive behavior that seeks immediate gratification.
18. I am learning to stand up for myself and cope with problems.
19. I am learning that I am significant to God. I AM The CHILD OF THE KING of Kings.
20. I am learning that everything I need, God has given me at this very moment.
21. I AM THE BEST I CAN BE RIGHT NOW!

Quick Reminders for Critical Times

I'm not responsible for somebody else's feelings.
(Don't take on the guilt from others.)

Get rid of the grave - clothes
(Old stuff that hinders you.)

Put Things at the throne and work at leaving them there.
(Let go, let GOD.)

Give People "permission" to be who they are, because we can't change them anyway.
(Acceptance - increases your peace.)

Let the LORD have control - He is allowing these things to happen, so don't get too caught up with what the devil may be doing.
(Increase your faith - all things work together for the good for those who love the Lord and are called to for his purpose.)

"That Is not from GOD" Come against it! - Become a strong person of God and let the flesh fall off.
(The enemy sometimes keeps coming against you with fears, learn to quickly recognize him and come against him in the name of JESUS!)

Say to the little girl inside you, I am not going to subject you to that anymore.
(Learn to protect yourself - know where it is safe to be vulnerable.)

People sometimes use Scripture to "PATCH UP HURTS"
(Form of denial - instead of dealing with feelings.)

This is on DRY GROUND.
(I don't have the fullness of the spirit, the drive to help can be so strong, that it can dull the voice of GOD! Maybe He does not want you to minister to that person.)

When we are ANGRY, we can't blame anyone else - it is something in us.
(Why are we reacting so strongly? What feelings? Old hurt? Is being touched? Why do we get so angry?)

You can feel good about your own choices as you grow!
Sometime people just don't have anything to give!

Communicate. People walk around assuming what each other think. They don't share their feelings!
(It is impossible to read someone else's mind - must ask them.)

Step 1

WE ADMIT WITHOUT BLAMING, WE ARE POWERLESS OVER THE DYSFUNCTIONAL (UNHEALTHY) BEHAVIORS AND MEMORIES FROM CHILDHOOD, AND OUR LIVES ARE UNMANAGEABLE.

This step states the Adult Child is not only powerless over the behaviors and memories brought with him from the past, but also is not capable of managing his own life. The truth is, no one is capable of managing his own life without God.

The following scriptures will show us that without God to manage our lives, and without His healing process, we can never become the whole person He intended.

DENIAL
1 CORINTHIANS 8:2 - The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know.
Are there actions that you grew up believing to be okay, that you now wonder about?

PROVERBS 14:12 - There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.
What behaviors seemed right at the time, but only ended in your misery and destruction?

BLAMING
EZEKIEL 18:1-4 - The word of the Lord came to me: "What do you people mean by quoting this proverb about the land of Israel: "The fathers eat sour grapes, and the children's teeth are set on edge?" As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign Lord, you will no longer quote this proverb in Israel. For every living soul belongs to me, the father as well as the son - both alike belong to me, the soul who sins is the one who will die."

1. What do you think the Lord means when He says, "the soul who sins is the one who will die?
2. Who is responsible for the process of recovery?

THE PAST
ISAIAH 43: 25-27 - "I even I, am He who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers you sins no more. Review the past for me, let us argue the matter together; state the case for you innocence. Your father sinned; your spokesman rebelled against me."

1. Your Heavenly Father forgives your sins and knows about the sins your father and others who have taught you, ( teachers, religious leaders, relatives, etc.) so what is the purpose of reviewing your past?
   
2. What do you need to share about the past?
   
3. Have you ever argued with the Lord? Share your experience.

PSALM 129: 1-4 - They have greatly oppressed me from my youth - let Israel say they have greatly oppressed me from my youth, but they have not gained victory over me. Plowmen have plowed my back and made their furrows long. But the Lord is righteous; he has cut me free from the cords of the wicked.

1. In what way were you oppressed in your youth?
   
2. When you realize today what you have endured, how have your former oppressors not gained victory over you?
   
3. Who were the plowmen in your life? How are you dealing with the "Furrows"?
   
4. Why will the Lord cut you free from the cords of the wicked/SIN

ROMANS 7:18-20 - I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

1. What is the good you never seem to be able to do?
   
2. What are you doing that you wish you could stop?
   
3. Because I do things that I do not want to do, and that are wrong proves that I am powerless (in my own strength). How will understanding this powerlessness promote change in my life?

GALATIANS 6:7-8 - Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.

1. What reactions (seeds) to life do you act out (sow) that seem to bring more pain into your life?
   
2. What appropriate actions (good seeds) are you taking to please the Holy Spirit? What do you reap?
   
3. We need to sow good seeds now so we don't keep experiencing all negative things we keep complaining about today. Share your thoughts.

BREAKING THE CYCLE
EXODUS 20:5-6 - You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God , am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations, of those who love and keep my commandments.

1. This Scripture is speaking against the sin of Idolatry. What idols were worshipped in your family of origin? Are there idols you are worshipping today?
   
2. Some of the behaviors we see in ourselves and others seem impossible to change. What behaviors (curses) have been passed down through your family?
   
3. What can you do to break the cycle?

HOPE
2 CORINTHIANS 1:9-10 - Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will continue to deliver us.

1. What are you dealing with from your past that feels likes the sentence of death in your heart?
   
2. What hope can you take in God's deliverance? Are you living in your own power or relying on God?
   
3. What "deadly peril" has God delivered you from?

2 CORINTHIANS 12: 9-10 - But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

1. What weaknesses are you carrying as a result of your upbringing?
   
2. Why can we "delight in our weakness"?
   
3. Whenever we accept and acknowledge the weaknesses, sins, or destructive tendencies in our lives, and turn to God, he will give us strength and help in ways we would have never dreamed possible. Share a time when it was evident that God's power was at work in your weakness.

DEUTERONOMY 30:19-20 - This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and He will give you many years in the land he swore to give your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

1. How can seeking a support group possibly be a way to choose life?
   
2. Think of the previous generations in your family. Has the dysfunctional behavior and/or abuse continued to the present? What would you like to see passed on through the your future generations?

THIS STEP ALONG WITH SCRIPTURES, AND QUESTIONS IS FROM THE ALCOHOLICS FOR CHRIST 12- STEP RECOVERY WORKBOOK.

PSALMS 34:18 19 - THE LORD IS CLOSE TO THE BROKENHEARTED, AND SAVES THOSE WHO ARE CRUSHED IN SPIRIT. A RIGHTEOUS MAN MAY HAVE MANY TROUBLES, BUT THE LORD DELIVERS HIM FROM THEM ALL.